I Honestly Don't Know What Else To Do

For the last few days,

i have felt absolutely useless.

You've been constantly angry,

and every single time i tried to cheer you up,

the result was a pathetic argument that had nothing to do with the situation.

The thought that was once in the back of my mind,

has no become visibly clear to me.

All i ever seem to do,

is make you ten times angrier,

which sure as hell doesn't help you.

So this is my next approach.

Space. Time. Distance.

You probably don't understand it,

but if you look back to how you've reacted to me,

when i try and get close,

maybe you'll see reason.

I don't see the point in bringing us both down,

so i'm backing off and letting you breathe.

I honestly don't know what else to do.

Can't You Just Come Back?

I want you back.

I want you breathing the air i breathe.

I want you living the life i lead.

I want you back.

Please.

Can't you just come back?

Time To Grow Up A Bit.

i thought you'd be over this shit.

It's been, how long now?

You're not over me.

I know it.

Otherwise you wouldn't be prank calling me.

Time to grow up a bit.

The D-A-D in "Dead"

I've been empty on the inside.

Only thinking in weights and measures and biased opinion.

The highest that i've been,

sickly and dying.

You denied your assignment,

your child now a "has been".

You could have been a friend.

No, you could have been a husband to the women you used and lied to.

I tried to be you.

I despised you.

I cried for you.

I held it all inside for you.

I nearly fucking died for you.

Didn't want to be denied.

I'll slide with myself this time.

My pride,

no more a fleeting issue.

When i said that i missed you,

i lied,

i never knew you.

Your face in mine,

a grown man.

You knew my face like the back of your hand.

My face only knew demands.

My face only knew your hands.

At attention sir,

i'll call you sir.

That's your name right?

I concur.

You're not a man,

you're a coward.

Your own child...

you're empowered.

You raise your hand and i'd cower.

I've been robbed,

deflowered of a youth.

I swear i'll never be like you.

I'd rather die then be like you.

Were passed the time goodbye is due.

I'd rather die then be like you,

i'd rather fucking die.

You never wanted me; a son diseased; inferior.

Your "perfect" genes.

But all along this came from you.

You're flawed too,

through and through.

I never really could recite all the right words in order,

to express myself towards seeing you,

and greeting you,

and being you.

Through meaningless sex and abuse on myself,

and my health never meant anything but hell.

I denied my "wealth" in life of being alive,

and seeing that side of myself;

a part of me died.

But you were to blame

My reason.

My teacher.

My model.

My guide.

My shame.

My pain.

I've cried too many times nights over series of cynical lullabies.

I've improvised and devised a plan to summarize your lies.

And ties are out now cos compromise,

is out of the question...

goodbye.

So father that i'm rid of,

oh, where do you go hiding love?

and aren't you quite neglectful of your son who never had enough.

I never really had enough.

I never had enough.

You taught me how to use,

and you taught me to abuse.

I refuse.

Well i refuse to be a cold hearted fuck like you.

Well pick and choose.

You'll always lose, sir.

No. 1 son better then 2.

Deny me, oh my father.

I've been refused.

I'll always be defective to you...

She Deserved A Life.

I hate you.

You don't have the slightest clue,

about what you've done to break this precious heart.

But in all honesty,

i don't think that matters to you.

However we feel,

you don't really care.

I just wish you were sorry,

and i hope you loose everything.

Fuck what you say,

and fuck what you believe.

She deserved a life.

I Would Have Invited Her To That.

If i was to know,

that she would be in the hospital six days later,

i would have invited her to that.

iloveyou.

So i opened the letter

and the only thing i regret,

is not opening it sooner.

:]

i was invited to something that has changed the way i look at things.

That wasn't the aim of it,

actually,

the day had nothing to do with me.

"Even if i live to be... one hundred and seventy four,

this will be the best movie ever!"

-Melissa Dawson

She loved Transformers.

She practically forced me to rent it out.

She never got to watch it with me,

and never will.

Melissa Alexis Imogen Dawson,

iloveyou.