I'll Be Fine.

Selfish minds.

By the way,

i'm fine.

Thanks for asking.

To Legit To Quit.

Why am i so stupid as to believe

that people are legit and different from everyone else?

Every single new person i've hung out with lately

is useless and dead to me.

You're all fucking slaves

and i tried to help you open your eyes.

Everyone nowadays is so fake and self centered.

Enjoy your pathetic existences.

Bro My God.

Liquid Lives.

It's funny how much people like to twist words around.

The world today is over connected.

It's like people don't know how to cope,

if they don't know about every second

of everyone else's lives.

Curiosity wasn't alone.

Ignorance also killed the cat.

Don't Let This Win Over You.

Life is a series of calluses.

This is just another layer.

So build them up,

tough it out,

that's your skin.

Don't let anyone under there.

Everyone Looks So Good From Here.

I decide who gets the privilege

of being different from everyone else

in my eyes.

Liquor And Love Lost.

I was flying high.

I had a grin on my face.

I was numb down to my toes.

Lights were flashing.

Music was blasting.

I sat with a group of your friends,

rolling a ridiculous amount of smokes.

My heart was completely full to the brim with happiness.

I thought i'd be awkward all night.

I thought i wouldn't have anyone to talk to.

I thought the majority of your friends hated me.

But there i was,

laughing with them.

I felt on top of the fucking world.

It took six words and one sentence to shatter that feeling completely.

It turned my entire night around.

"You need to find your girlfriend."

The stern look in his eyes told me he wasn't playing around.

I left the company of your friends.

I walked around the house until i finally found you.

But it wasn't just you.

It was him too.

And i notice your hand on his leg.

I told you to get up.

You looked up at me.

Your eyes were empty.

I don't think you could see the pain that was my own.

I walked back out to your friends before you could say anything.

You didn't follow.

I spent the next hour sitting at the end of the driveway.

When i'd finally managed to suppress my anger,

i stumbled back tot he party.

Once again, someone told me to check on you.

My fists were clenched.

This time i stormed through the house.

When i opened the door,

when i turned on those lights,

i didn't even notice it was you.

I mean, do you think i'd expect that?

To see you laying there,

with your legs entangled with his?

"Get the fuck outside, now."

But you didn't move your legs.

This time the anger couldn't be contained.

I needed to let it out.

I grabbed him by the scruff of his shirt

and rammed his body up against the wall.

Punches were thrown,

and words were yelled.

I left the room.

I figured you looked happier staying with him.

It had been an hour since i'd seen you last.

I thought maybe you were sleeping.

I walked into the room again.

And there you were.

Still with him.

I yelled at you.

I wasn't kidding around this time.

And you fucking knew it.

You crawled off the bed, took my hand, and led me outside.

You left me with a bunch of people i had never met before.

You knew how awkward i am around strangers.

For him?

I can't forgive you for that.

We yelled at each other.

We cried together.

We punched the same wall.

You know my heart.

You know my scars.

I fucking love you.

But you've lost me.

It's Complicated.

I was nervous when i made plans with you today.

I mean, i know you like me

and that complicates this thing called friendship.

Surprisingly, it was easier then i thought.

You kept your distance as we walked,

you sat a safe space away when we sat down,

nothing awkward was said

and we laughed about stupid things.

Remarkably, this afternoon was easy.

Remarkably, i loved every minute of it.

Tell Me Something Good.

This would be a lot easier

if you'd just tell me if you hated me or not,

or what it is i've done wrong,

if anything.

Rather then me having to guess daily

on why you don't talk to me.

It's so frustrating.

It's making me feel like i'm doing something wrong

just by talking to you.

Which is all i ever want to do.

You know i could be good for you.

But you wont have it.

Any of it.

I listened to everything you had to say

when you were in my shoes

and now it''s the other way around

and you're not here for me.

You're probably mind fucking me on purpose.

Pretty, Handsome, Awkward.

"You look really nice,

like pretty and just,

nice, i guess.

Not like food nice though.

Because friends are like potatoes,

if you eat them, they die.

And i don't think i want you to die,

not right now anyway."

Ever The Same, And Always Will Be.

I was so consumed by looking out for you

and worrying about people changing you,

that i didn't notice the obvious.

You were changing me.

And she knew it.

That's why she hates us being friends.

We always argue.

We always fall out.

And i'm always upset or angry about the situation.

So i'm doing what i should have done at the start.

I'm taking myself out of your life.

I'm not going to let you get me down anymore.

I've taken enough hits

and i've shed enough tears.

You may have made me insanely happy at some stages.

But the majority of the time,

you just made me miserable.

If you want to call saving myself "selfish",

go ahead.

I don't have the strength to care about your words anymore.

Moments Forever Faded.

Back when i used to stay at your house.

Back when we made forts and pancakes.

Back when we would tangle ourselves up in each other.

Back when you'd tap on my bedroom window to rescue me

and i'd jump out my window at half past one in the morning

just to talk in safety.

Back when McDonalds accused us of putting Jif all over their bathroom walls.

Back when you were here.

All of these are moments when i've felt satisfied with my life.

All these moments contain you.

Ten And Two.

Ten years ago,

we sat in your grandmothers lounge

and watched your favourite tv shows.

It should be you this year.

It should be you dressing up wit me

and it should be you keeping a watchful eye on me.

But instead,

it's her that's going to take my hand next week.

And although i adore every hair on her head,

i miss you so fucking much.

Life Like This.

730 days ago,

my life was completely different in every aspect.

Two years later,

i would have never guessed i'd have the life i have now.

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away.

Right now,

i miss you more then ever.

I think we've both realised what we've done wrong.

I guess,

we'll just have to see how it plays out when i get back.